Jolly Old Saint Copernicus
Magnus Orphanage, est. 2011
Former site of the Minion Training Centre, Aldaros Plains
President Qwark was sitting in a large chair, clad in red and white with a fake beard. A group of Tharpod children were lined up in front of him. I think you see where this is going.
"I gotta tell ya, Pietro," Qwark said to his secretary, "this was a brilliant idea, playing Santa for the orphans of Magnus! I can hear that approval rating soaring now!" So much for non-exposition.
"Brilliant, mista president-a! It was-a *hic* your idea, after all." Qwark's new secretary Pietro was a slim, bug-eyed robot with an orange torso, a severe underbite and a somewhat false-looking moustache.
"…alright, sport, movin' along now. Someone's getting Santa's lap wet. ………. Ah, it's me."
The sunset (presuming Magnus actually orbits a sun) began to dusk on Aldaros Plains. The queue of children had worn to a nub. In fact, the whole plain seemed to be empty except for Qwark and Pietro.
"Okay, I guess that's a wrap!" Qwark exclaimed. "Let's go and check that approval rating."
"I think there's-a one more-a ki-*hic*-id," said Pietro. He pointed to a familiar little Tharpod girl, who was smiling right at President Qwark.
I know this kid from somewhere. But where? Was she in my Tyhrranese class? No, no, it's… that kid who gave us Vac-Us! Sammy? Scamp?… Susie! Wuh oh, quick! Say something so you can get the meeting over with and go and check your approval rating!
Susie stared at him.
Qwark groaned. "Whadda you want for Christmas?"
Susie sadly said, "I want a home. My family is all gone. I want someone to be there for me -"
Qwark saw Pietro signalling.
"Yeahyeahillbringyouaponyorsomethinbenaughtyandnicehohohoyaddayaddayaddagottagoandcheckthatrating" and he buggered off.
Back in his office in Luminopolis, President Qwark and a lazing Vice President Skrunch eagerly awaited an update.
"Your rating's-a in, mista president, *hic*" said Pietro, holding a PDA in his left hand.
"Gimme!" Qwark snatched the PDA from him. "DROPPED?!"
"I don't understand!" Qwark paced his office. "I've done tons of stuff that I actually did!"
"Why don't you adopt? *hic*"
Night had fallen in Luminopolis. Qwark and Skrunch sat around in the office. Qwark mumbled random words as he glumly fiddled with a miniature Z'Grute model.
"Bowling… …glass… …scotch… …juice… …toast…
"That's it! I'll adopt an orphan!"
The next morning, a small ship landed in front of Qwark's presidential residence, where the proud president himself stood in wait. Its passenger stepped out. It was Susie, carrying a suitcase, grasping the handle with both of her little hands.
Qwark smiled warmly. "Welcome home, Susie." He quickly looked down to his PDA, but then looked back to Susie.
She was grinning a grin as big as an Agorian.
He chucked his PDA away and opened his arms. Susie jumped up and hugged him, and he hugged her back.
Susie took off her helmet. She looked at it, and put it under her left arm. With her other arm, she and Qwark walked hand in hand towards their residence.