The Ratchet and Kim Possible Chronicles: The Polaris Epidemic - Chapter 5

Chapter 5-The Unmanagable Boneheads

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Author: KPRCFFWriter

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As they were flying back to Igliak, Wade appeared on the monitor. Kim: "Oh, hey, Wade. What is it?" Wade: "Uh…"

He seemed a little uneasy. Clank: "Wade, are you alright? You do not seem like yourself." Wade: "Um…I'm just receiving a transmission…from Mr. Barken. He said that he wanted to speak to you guys…right now." Ratchet: "You can't be serious." Wade: "I wish I wasn't." Clank: "Oh, no, not that unruly man again." Kim: "Tell him that we're not interested in anything he has to say to us." Wade: "He insisted on speaking with you guys. Although…he seemed…much less abrupt this time, in fact, he seemed chastened, almost as though he's ashamed of something." Kim: "What?" Ratchet: "Uh, Wade, are you…are you sure about this? This is Mr. Barken we're talking about." Wade: "I know...and I'm positive." Clank: "Hm…well, this is awfully peculiar of him." Ratchet: "I know, right? Barken's always been too proud to feel any shame for anything he's ever done, regardless of how horrendous it is."

Kim let out a displeased sigh. Kim: "Put him on, Wade."

Wade switched transmission. Displayed on the screen was Mr. Barken. He was tapping his fingers together as he looked down, he seemed despondent. He then looked up at the group. Mr. Barken: "Um…heh…hello…Kim Possible…and…uh, Kim Possible's alien friend…uh…Ratchet, was it?" Ratchet: "Well, if it isn't the bad-mannered Earth Blarg, himself?" Kim: "What do you want with us this time, Mr. Barken!?" Mr. Barken: "Um…"

Mr. Barken cleared his throat a bit before continuing. Mr. Barken: "Well…I…I thought I would call you guys…so that I can…uh…I could…apologize…" Ratchet: "What? Did I hear that right? You're…apologizing?" Mr. Barken: "Yes…um…I know that I…said some…terrible things to you guys…the other night…" Ratchet: "Terrible!? Heh! Are you kidding me!? You insulted us that night! You came up to us and said some awful things to me and Kimberly! You called us all sorts of despicable names! And why!? Because you were disgusted with Kimberly being in love with me! A Lombax! A space alien! Even as she was running home crying, you still continued with your cruel and insensitive rants without any regards to how devastated she was! You ruined our night on the town and worst of all, you hurt her really bad! Yeah! We are way past terrible, Barken!" Mr. Barken: "OK, OK, I get it! I was a mean, horrible, awful man! I said some things that I shouldn't have! I'm…I'm sorry…I was insensitive…single-minded. I only saw you guys by what was on the surface and failed to see you both for who you really are, especially you, Ratchet. Plus…I'm…I'm just not use to space aliens or anyone being in love with them, that's all." Kim: "That's no excuse for everything that you said to us." Mr. Barken: "I know! I just…I will…I would like to change my outlook on the 2 of you. I'm willing to accept that you both really care about each other. I now understand that…it doesn't matter where you're from or what species you are, if you really care about one another, then there should be no reason to keep the 2 of you apart."

Kim and Ratchet exchanged displeased looks with each other. Ratchet: "I really hope you mean that, Mr. Barken, because I'm more than just a Lombax, some space alien and Kimberly is more than just a human. We're tired of caring about what people think of us. We will pursue our relationship and our feelings for each other and we will never go back on that." Mr. Barken: "Yes, of course, Ratchet and good on the both of you to do that. You have mentioned that to me the last time we met face to face, but this time, I will concede."

Everyone was in a bit of a state of belief over what they were hearing. Clank: "Um, I am curious about something. Why the sudden change in heart?" Ratchet: "Yeah, I'd like to know that, too. You were hardly this conceding, especially when Kimberly's parents confronted you." Mr. Barken: "Well, you see, Stoppable came up to me the other day." Ratchet: "Ron?" Mr. Barken: "Yes, he was furious with what I said to you guys that day. He said things to me that I didn't think I would have ever heard from him. He told me that he broke off his relationship with Possible because he felt that the 2 of you should be together. At first, I didn't want to hear anything that he had to say, but the way in which he had said all of it, well…it demonstrated how much he has grown and matured. He didn't seem like the same immature juvenile from when you guys were in high school. He's changed…a lot and he does care a lot about his friends, human or otherwise. Possible, you're lucky to have such great friends and a terrific family to always stick up for you and it's very brave of you to stand up to a world that is dissatisfied by you having feelings for an alien. If 2 people really love each other, then nothing should ever keep them apart. Be it distance or other people's opinions. Let nothing stand in you way."

There was another brief pause. Everyone seemed despondent but touched. Ratchet: "OK. Thanks…Mr. Barken…that…means a lot. I'm glad you finally understand."

The transmission was severed. The 3 of them sat by; spellbound. They seemed surprised by what they have just heard from him. Kim: "I…I can't believe it…" Ratchet: "I know…I…I never thought…that he…he would say anything like that…" Clank: "Hm…it seemed that Ron had finally gotten through to him." Ratchet: "Yeah…he did…that's never happened before. Ron…really has…been growing up and…it seems that Mr. Barken has also taken notice of that." Clank: "Yes, that and…he has demonstrated once more that he is a true friend to us as well as Miss Possible." Ratchet: "Hm, yes, he has…"

Kim clenched her hands together as a small, emotional smile appeared on her face. Kim: "Ron…thank you…"

They made their way back to Igliak and Meridian City. They landed within mission control, got out of the ship and met back with the others. Talwyn: "Hey, guys. Uh…are you…are you OK?"

They had concerning looks on their faces as they were making their way back towards their friends. Ratchet: "We're fine, it's just…Mr. Barken contacted us just now." Talwyn: "That unruly, bone-headed human who insulted you guys a while back? Don't tell me, he left you guys with some more rude comments about the 2 of you being together?" Ratchet: "Actually…he…he called us to apologize." Talwyn: "Huh, really? Well that was…unexpected of him." Kim: "I know…we couldn't believe it, either."

Everyone remained silent for a bit. Just then, Kim noticed something. Kim: "Hey, has anyone seen Qwark?" Talwyn: "Oh, uh, he rushed out immediately after Wade just informed us about a golf course being set up on another planet."

Suddenly, Qwark busted into the room. Qwark: "Oh, good! You guys got back! There's this new golf course being set up on the planet Pratoma! Your computer genius friend just told us about it! I'm heading over there now!"

He then rushed back out. The others soon noticed Qwark leaving the planet on his ship. Wade: "Uh…yeah. Unfortunately…he didn't stay long enough to hear the whole briefing. I'm afraid to say that the golf course is hardly legit." Ratchet: "What do you mean, Wade?" Wade: "It's a major hazard to the planet. It contains plants and other stuff that is hazardous to the planet." Kim: "If that's true, then we need to put a stop to it immediately." Wade: "I agree with you, but that's not the main reason why it needs to be shut down. I just picked up on explosive devices in addition to another bio-reading that confirms a human life form. I don't think I need to tell you what that means, right?" Kim: "Right. Duff Killigan. Where there are illegal golf courses taking place, you can bet that he's involved." Ratchet: "Let's go." Clank: "Yeah, at once. Who knows what damages that maniacal human could be causing to that planet?"

They hurried back to their ship, took off and left the planet.

They flew through space as fast as they could. As they continued through, Talwyn contacted him immediately. Talwyn: "Hey, guys. So, Wade just briefed me on this…Duff Killigan guy. From what I've heard, he is…some sort of golf fanatic with a lot of serious issues?" Kim: "Oh, yeah, to say that would be a huge understatement, Tal. He has been banned from pro golf for his displays of throwing temper tantrums and from what I can tell, he is very unstable." Clank: "His continual bouts of uncontrollable fits of rage has even caused him to be barred from the sport on the land of his home, Scotland and that would go without saying." Kim: "Yeah, exactly." Ratchet: "So, basically, we're dealing with some Scottish golf fanatic with serious anger issues." Kim: "I'm afraid it's worse than that. The guy turned to a life of crime after he was banned from all of these golf tournaments. The first time that Ron and I faced off against him, he had kidnapped a researcher that was experimenting on an instant grass growing formula and from there, he planned on turning the entire Earth into a massive golf course." Talwyn: "Whoa, that sounds really tense." Kim: "Well, he does proudly call himself "The World's Deadliest Golfer"." Talwyn: "And by "world", you are referring to your home planet Earth." Kim: "Of course." Ratchet: "So, let me see if I got this straight: instead of taking anger management for his fits of rage, he decided to turn to villainy and commit a series of golf-related crimes? This guy has really gone off rocker. It's almost laughable just how much of a nutcase he is." Kim: "Yeah, I know. He is…well…we've already been over this enough times." Clank: "Yes."

Just then, Qwark appeared on the screen. Qwark: "Guys! I have just arrived on the planet of the new golf course! You've got to see this! It's amazing!" Ratchet: "Uh, yeah, Qwark. We're on our way now. There are…some things we need to talk to you about." Qwark: "Uh….what…kind of things?" Ratchet: "We'll fill you in once we get there."

They continued their way through space.

After another long flight, they made it to the planet Pratoma. Aphelion: "Now arriving at planet Pratoma."

They flew through the skies high above the planet's surface. Kim: "Aphelion, what's the status report on the planet's condition?" Aphelion: "I am picking up readings of hostile vegetation within one particular area. The readings indicate that the vegetation is foreign to the natural plant life of the planet." Ratchet: "Well, that can't be good." Clank: "Have there been any threats to the planet's delicate balance and ecosystem?" Aphelion: "Threat levels minimum but that will rapidly change should we allow the unnatural flora to spread throughout." Ratchet: "We won't let that happen. Let's head over there now."

They flew off and made their way towards the source of the readings.

Soon enough, they arrived within a specific area. From there, they landed near where Qwark landed his ship. As soon as they got out of theirs, they walked up next to Qwark. He stood near a ledge atop a hill, looking out towards a massive meadow before them. Kim: "Whoa, just…look at this place." Ratchet: "I know, he already got started on messing up this entire area." Clank: "Hm, I do detect multiple readings of dangerous and otherworldly plant life." Ratchet: "Looks like Duff Killigan has polluted this planet with a lot of these monster plants." Qwark: "This place looks awesome! I can't wait to get started playing on it!"

Ratchet looked at Qwark in an agitated manner. Ratchet: "Qwark, could you not be a clueless moron for once? This golf course is illegal; it needs to be shut down now!" Qwark: "Uh…what's going on, exactly?"

Ratchet placed his hand on his head in frustration and grunted. Ratchet: "Seriously, what are we going to do with you?" Kim: "If you would have stayed in Meridian City long enough to hear the entire briefing, then you would know exactly what is going on here." Qwark: "It's a massive golf course being set up on the entire planet. What more is there to know?" Kim: "Really, Qwark? Even you can't be THAT stupid!" Ratchet: "This golf course is being set up by another one of Kimberly's old foes; some Scottish golf loving nutcase named Duff Killigan." Qwark: "So, this amazingly awesome golf course is built by that girl's enemies? Huh, who knew? Hm…come to think of it…it does look awfully dangerous…and terrifying!" Kim: "Well, he does call himself "The World's Deadliest Golfer"." Qwark: "Uh…of this world?" Ratchet: "Hm, I think she was referring to her home planet Earth!" Qwark: "Oh, Earth. That…uh…that's a home planet to the humans?" Ratchet: "THE home planet of the humans!" Qwark: "Oh, right, they only live on one planet. I…forgot. Hold on a moment. Did you guys say that this golf course is illegal? Then that means…we have ourselves a super villain on our hands!" Ratchet: "Gee, it's amazing just how quickly you catch on to things, Qwark." Qwark: "Don't mention it. Now then, come on, guys. We have an evildoer to thwart."

He ran towards a ledge in front of them and jumped down. Qwark: "Wheeee!" Kim: "Great, now there are 2 oversized nutcases to deal with this time: 1 we have to baby-sit and the other we have to foil." Ratchet: "Yeah, I'm not looking forward to this, either, Kimberly. Come on, let's get this over with."

Kim switched on the Kimmunicator. Kim: "Wade?" Wade: "I know. Hang on, I'll have her transported over to you now."

Wade's vendor appeared again. Transported from it was the infobot. She morphed into her backpack form and reattached herself to Kim's back. Clank did the same with Ratchet. They both jumped down and continued on.

They made their way down the hill towards the golf course. There, they stood before Duff Killigan as he continued to build his golf course. Almost immediately, he noticed them. Duff: "Oy! Kim Possible! I con see thet you have made sum alien friends, just like they say you did." Qwark: "Stand down, evildoer; your days of building dangerous and illegal golf courses on other planets are over! Even though…this is…the second planet that you're attempting to build one, but we will see to it that you will never build one on another planet again and yes, I mean "attempt" because that will be as far as you will be allowed to go…or something…like that…um…" Kim: "Qwark, please, just stop." Ratchet: "Well, this is a great first impression to meeting another of your enemies for the first time in years." Duff: "Uh…who be this…yammerin' ijit?" Kim: "That's Captain Qwark. He's what you would call a would-be hero…" Ratchet: "At best." Qwark: "Hey, who are you guys calling a "would-be" hero? I'm an absolute, bona-fide prime cut hero." Ratchet: "Right…and I'm…still unimpressed."

He giggled with Kim. Ratchet: "But let's forget about that for a minute. So, you're Duff Killigan? You're known as the "World's Deadliest Golfer"? Heh, I've always known that Kimberly fought against a lot of nutcases, but you are a real basket case; heard you got banned from competing in several golf tournaments because you've thrown too many hissy fits. Ever heard of anger management or perhaps you're far too unstable for that?"

As Ratchet continued on, Duff Killigan became more and more enrage. Ratchet: "And if that's the case, it's no wonder you turned to crime and villainy. You're every bit insane enough to have become another criminal."

Duff Killigan, greatly enraged, growled out loud. Duff: "Why you…! Fer a wee, lil space mouse, you sure have a big mouth on you that as well as a sharp tongue." Ratchet: "Why, thank you. I greatly appreciate you noticing that. By the way, I'm a Lombax and FYI, I'm more so a feline than a rodent." Kim: "Uh, yeah, Lombaxes are indeed a species that are very much cat-like." Ratchet: "Oh, and another thing, what's with the skirt? Couldn't find a decent pair of pants to go with that stupid looking hat?"

Duff became even more frustrated from Ratchet's snarky comment. Duff: "It's not a skirt! It's a kilt! A kilt, you snarky lil…! It's no doubt that you're a perfect match fer the lass over there. You're both extremely agitatin'!" Kim: "Hm, compared to a lot of other things that I've heard, I think I'll take that as a compliment." Ratchet: "Huh, I feel the same way." Duff: "Oy! Then how about ye take this as well!?"

With the use of his golf club, he swung and hit some of his explosive golf balls at them. Kim: "Incoming!"

They jumped out of the way and managed to dodge their explosions successfully. Ratchet: "Whoa! Explosive golf balls!?" Kim: "Well, Wade did mention that he has explosives on him." Ratchet: "Oh, right, of course, golf-based weaponry, because he's a golf fanatic. Should have known." Clank: "I suppose that he is teed off. (giggle)"

Duff was seen rushing off towards the far end of the golf course. As soon as he made it over, many of the vicious plants emerged from everywhere. Duff was seen jumping for joy while laughing. Duff: "Let's see if you can put a stop to my golf course this time, Kim Possible." Kim: "Geez, this looks a lot more lethal than his previous one." Ratchet: "Any chance that he would change his alias to the "Deadliest Golfer in the Universe"?" Qwark: "No evil plant infested golf course shall stand between me and justice, evil golf loving criminal. After him!"

They rushed right into the golf course. Everywhere, they were bombarded constantly by the plants. They fought through the best that they could but there were just too many of them. Ratchet: "This is really bad! We just can't handle fighting off all of these plants!" Clank: "Hm…I am detecting a 7.9% increase in this obstructive vegetation. That amount will elevate gradually within a very short period of time." Ratchet: "Oh, man! We need to get rid of these things now!"

Kim contacted Wade immediately. Kim: "Wade, we have a massive problem on our hands! These plants are everywhere and we can't fight them off for long! We're not going to last much longer out here!" Wade: "Hang on, let me look into something that may help you guys out." Ratchet: "If at all possible, could you please hurry, you know, before we're dead!?" Wade: "I know, sometime before too late. I'll see what I can find."

As they continued cutting through, Duff Killigan whacked more seeds into the field like golf balls with the use of his golf club. From them, more plants began to spawn, which made the situation even more difficult. Ratchet: "Oh, great! Just what we need, even more deadly plants!" Duff: "Oy! Just try to fight your way outta this one, ya space-born wallopers!" Qwark: "Ratchet! Young miss! I just wanna say that THIS IS THE WORST GOLFING EXPERIENCE I'VE EVER HAD!"

Ratchet looked back at Qwark in a very irritated manner.

Just then, the Kimmunicator went off. Kim answered it. Wade: "Guys, I think I may have found something that could help you out. I just recently discovered research on experimental sound waves that can be used to eradicate any unwanted plants. It's said that the sound waves can disrupt the plastids, disenabling its ability to convert sunlight into food." Kim: "So, basically, these sound waves can cause them to starve to death?" Wade: "Precisely, I'm working on collecting the data and finding the right frequency that won't affect the natural plant life of Pratoma." Clank: "I am objective to the idea of utilizing any means of widespread eradication of plant life, but this form of vegetation should not have been produced on this planet. Do whatever is necessary, Wade. We must put a stop to this as soon as possible." Wade: "I'm on it, Clank. Once I find the right frequency, I'll have it uploaded to your receiver. Just hang in there, you guys."

The fight continued on. The group was really having a tough time fight through. Duff Killigan was jumping for joy as this went on. Duff: "That's right! Go at those space-born interlopers, me deadly vines! Show them what you're made of!"

More and more, things were really looking grim. At the last second, the Kimmunicator chimed again. Kim answered it again. Wade: "Guys, I found the right frequency for these plants. I'm uploading it to Clank's receiver now."

Wade did just that. He needed only a few seconds. Clank: "Upload complete. Initiating plastid disruption sound wave now."

Clank sent out the sound wave from his antenna on all of the vicious plants. From that, they were being crippled very badly. Kim: "It's working!" Ratchet: "Alright! Way to go, Wade!" Qwark: "Huzzah for the genius kid from the planet Earth! Now, let's sock it to these evil plants while they're being weakened." Kim: "Oh, I'm so all over that. How about you, Ratchet?" Ratchet: "Did you even need to ask?"

They went back to fighting the plants. This time, they were able to stand a chance against them. Duff Killigan stopped jumping for joy and stood by, shocked with what he was seeing. He then became very furious. As the group continued to fend off the plants, Duff Killigan took them by surprise as he lashed out and fought them, himself. The guy has shown to be a very dangerous fighter as he used his golf clubs as weapons. Ratchet: "Whoa! Does he even know what he could do to us with those things!?" Kim: "Well, he is unstable!" Ratchet: "Uh, duh! That's a given!"

As they continued to fight him, he became more and more agitated and swung at them much harder. Ratchet locked his weapon with Duff's golf clubs. Clank sometimes helped out by grabbing on to the golf clubs as they were being swung towards Ratchet. Duff: "Oy! Hold still so that I may beat the stuffing out of ye stubborn dobbers!" Ratchet: "Not gonna happen, you golf loving nutcase!"

Qwark then got close enough to Duff and got the chance stood close to him. Qwark: "Take this, evildoer!"

Qwark punched him in the face, knocking him down. Ratchet: "Yes! That was awesome!" Kim: "Way to go, Qwark!"

Qwark then stood by and smiled.

Soon enough, all of the vicious plants died out. Kim: "Well, I'll say that ends that evil plan." Ratchet: "Heh, certainly, we've put a stop to Duff Killigan and saved this entire planet." Qwark: "Well then, I have to say mission accomplished. No evil golf course is going to be built on this planet or any other for that matter."

Suddenly, Ratchet noticed something. Ratchet: "Uh…guys? Where's Killigan?"

They soon noticed that Duff Killigan was gone. Kim: "Um…Qwark? Didn't you keep him at bay?" Qwark: "What? I thought you guys had him." Kim: "Uh, you look like you could keep him subdued a lot better than us." Qwark: "Oh, right. Oops!"

Ratchet placed his hand on his head and shook his head as he grunted. Duff: "Oy!"

They looked up and noticed Duff Killigan aboard a hovering vehicle. Duff: "You meddlesome lot may heve bested me and my evil plons, but this be far from over. There is stell more to cume."

He flew off and left the planet, they watched as this was happening. Suddenly, Ratchet spotted something within the corner of his eye. He turned his head and was immediately startled. Ratchet: "Guys! Look!"

The others turned and spotted this as well. Kim: "What the…?"

Before them was another tower. Kim: "I don't believe it! It's another tower!" Clank: "Hm…it is exactly like the previous ones." Ratchet: "What the heck is going on here?"

Just then, Talwyn contacted them. Talwyn: "Guys! Come in! We have an emergency!" Ratchet: "What's the sitch, Tal?" Talwyn: "We just picked up on another reading similar to Earth. It seems to be coming from a moon base orbiting planet Terachnos. Wade just confirmed that another of Kim's old enemies is involved in this: some mad scientist named Professor Dementor." Kim: "What!? Him again!?" Talwyn: "I've already left for the moon base with Cronk and Zephyr. We need you guys to meet us there pronto." Ratchet: "OK, we'll be on our way now." Kim: "Let's head back to Aphelion." Ratchet: "Qwark, think you can handle this mess without us?" Qwark: "No problemo, I'll take care of everything from here." Ratchet: "OK, let's get going, Kimberly." Kim: "Right."

They rushed back to the ship, took care of a few last minute things, then got back in, took off and left the planet.

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